Mary Fucking Sunshine
A friend asked me on Sunday night why I couldn’t just accept what is going on in my life and see the positive- like I usually do. To quote, “aren’t you usually Mary Fucking Sunshine about shit like this?”
The thing is I am. I totally am, but what most people never see is the process it takes to get to that place of total surrender and acceptance. I don’t know, this whole situation started a 3 day rage meltdown. I cried, stamped my feet, called a lot of friends, went to a lot of meetings, told my sponsor multiple times to go fuck herself.
Part of my process is not stuffing my feelings but diving right into the uncomfortability. I immerse myself in all the negativity and actively write/talk everything that is going on out. And as in the case of last week, sometimes, it’s not always clear what exactly I am working out.
But yesterday, I prayed, meditated, went to a meeting, wrote, talked, and ran my way to a place of acceptance. I am not entirely sure I am completely accepting today but my intention is to be open to whatever comes my way.
I asked for this change in my life. I probably should have been more specific, “Dear Universe, I want x, y, and z……SIX MONTHS FROM NOW.” You know, not the day after I first made my intention known.
Fucking acceptance is a bitch and what the past two years have taught me is that the only way out is through. Escape is merely letting go of all of your expectations and acknowledging that you aren’t in charge.
