February 2012
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Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy
I finally finished this trilogy and really felt the labor of love the author put into it. It was sophomoric at times but I didn’t really mind that. I read all three books in two days and today, I finally feel like I am coming up for air. Last night after I finished the third book, I had this strange feeling that I was meant to read this. Like it answered so many questions I have had...
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Ben the Bachelor
you know who Ben the Bachelor totally reminds me of??? Ann from Arrested Development.
Michael: George-Michael, I’m sure that Egg is a very nice person, I just don’t want you spendin’ all your money…
George-Michael: Ann.
Michael [not hearing him]: …gettin’ her all glittered up for Easter, you know?
I don’t understand who these girls are falling in love with- he has no personality and his...
Fifty Shades of Grey →
This book is all sorts of silly. I can’t decide if this is considered erotica or just poorly written erotica. It’s basically twilight but instead of Edward being a vampire, Bella finds out he’s a dominate and he wants her to be his submissive.
Do girls really dream that one day they will find a fucked up man and fix him? Can I just spoil the ending for you- it WILL NEVER...
What Pinterest means to a Man.
me: How's your girlfriend?
Travis: Good, working on some map cutout art project that she found on Pinterest
Which is sort of like catnip for girls apparently
New job or two jobs?
For the past month, I have been doing a former coworker’s job at our organization. This means I went from being a “behind the scenes” fundraiser to a much more visible roll across the organization. People I didn’t even know knew my name have all been coming up and congratulating me. I went from being the red headed stepchild in a back office to a gal friday/every man. ...
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Catholicism can go to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.
It’s funny, just this time last year, I was on this sort of God search. I was splitting time between Episcopalian morning lite and Catholic noon mass desperately trying to find a spiritual community I could feel connected to. The more I went into both denominations the more disconnected I felt from myself and a higher power.
Growing up in an Catholic congregation, I was taught that...
Sober Saturday Night....
Eating french fries in bed wearing my Star Wars t-shirt while watching Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back.
This is actually fun for me. It turns out I am not much of a party lover even though I get plenty of invites. Saturday nights are “me” nights that involve sugar and books. I am having the time of my life over here…
Stupidity;
believeinrecovery:
individuality-today:
You do not need to rely on drugs to get you through your days or to make you happy. You CAN be happy without it. I understand addiction. But you need to actually go forth with wanting to stop.
Seriously. Make a fucking change. Instead of sitting there miserable about it. Damn.
amen.
As I am scrolling through tumblr tonight, I am seeing this...
Chris Brown and Rihanna
Maybe it’s because I have a bit more insight into the darker side of people’s personalities but I honestly have no opinion on Chris Brown and Rihanna shacking back up again. All I can say, is from experience, sometimes it’s really hard to leave someone you love even if they are hurting you. Also, people change. I see it every day. However, I don’t think he has based on...
“As a woman, we expect to be paid slightly less and raped slightly more.”
– Samantha Bee. I love her.
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Catharsis
I wanted to give a little update on some huge changes happening in my life right now. For the past couple of weeks, I have noticed some changes within myself. I have been feeling more relaxed, happy, and at times almost annoyingly joyful. I never really thought of myself as an angry person but in truth, the rage was always simmering below the surface for me. I named my tumblr...
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And these are the days of our lives...No Matter...
My sponsee called me last night to tell me she had bought a bottle of wine and was thinking about drinking it. With 8 and a half months of continuous sobriety, she was questioning whether or not her life was getting any better because she couldn’t see it, touch it, or feel it. For her, the internal struggle was very dramatic. Alcoholism is very dramatic. It’s a constant struggle...
on the death of whitney houston and drug use. →
Wow, she really fucking nailed it. this article was so good. drugs really freak me out. a lot of people I know have gone out on prescription meds. my best friends are recovering addicts. lately I have suspected someone in my life is abusing them but I think they are about a decade away from any real self awareness about it. the thing is while we can’t diagnose people with a problem, we...
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Anniversary time is coming!
Yesterday I felt like I had crossed a line talking about recovery. It really makes me uncomfortable to talk about it on the internet but also it’s a really huge part of my life. I don’t like to go into it too much because for me it really is a day a time. I have ok days, bad days, good days, great days, etc. I have been really lucky that drinking has not been an option for me. The...
I feel like a weirdo on the internet.
I am just going to start out by saying it’s NOT because of self-centered absorption but man, I really don’t care about anything that has to do with the mainstream.
I don’t understand why every single person in the world always feels like they have to comment on everything that is going on in the world. I honestly don’t get it. Some people have legitimate things to say on...
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I wish I had gotten sober sooner.
No matter what age anyone is, this is the #1 thing I hear from a beginner in their first month of sobriety. 15, 18, 22, 28, 30, 35, 45, 56, 65, 89.
I was also ridiculously hard on myself about it too. I hate that I lost an entire decade to my disease. I hate that my drinking was so public and that so many people saw me fall down, forget conversations, and make an ass of myself. I hate that 2...
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believe in recovery. believe in yourself.: I don't... →
passionandbeauty:
fairyhell:
feistyred:
It makes me sooooo fucking angry when people glorify the death of someone who was a drug addict and/or alcoholic. This disease is no fucking joke and if you walked into the rooms of AA or NA for even a month, someone you know dies. It’s awful, it’s a huge fucking wake up call.
But the reality is, the minute you put your disease first, you are already...
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I don't want to hear about Whitney Houston.
It makes me sooooo fucking angry when people glorify the death of someone who was a drug addict and/or alcoholic. This disease is no fucking joke and if you walked into the rooms of AA or NA for even a month, someone you know dies. It’s awful, it’s a huge fucking wake up call.
But the reality is, the minute you put your disease first, you are already dead. We have all seen it,...
Long Run.
I have been completely comatose all day. After waking at 7:30am, I ran a long run and haven’t been able to move from my bed since then. Is this going to happen every saturday? Basic human interaction feels like it’s too much right now.
It’s 6:30 pm and I feel like I could go to sleep for the night. Ugh, Long Run.
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Gratitude 2/9/12
I want to share how immensely grateful I am for this past week. I have had not one but two opportunities to advocate for myself to the management of my organization.
Two years ago, I couldn’t string together a sentence on my best day. Today, I can go into a meeting with the CEO and the VP and with no forethought, I can clearly and concisely state my needs and desires. What a fucking...
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Fear of Success...
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. My work life is a total chaotic mess. Somedays I am literally saying the serenity prayer over and over in my head as I get called into meeting after meeting. The massive anxiety and panic has literally drained me by the time I hit 5pm. I have been coming home every night for the past month and crashing.
Meetings, coffee dates, sponsees calling me throughout my...
“For the past four years, every day I have come to work and everyone keeps...”
– Deep thoughts during my one on one meeting with our CEO. He assured me that after he was done with our transition, I could let my apple show. Honestly, I can’t believe I used this analogy but basically I will pretty much say anything to get my point across.
“False Expectations
1999 Dec 19
Finally, the semester is over!!! I don’t...”
– My very first blog went back up online today along with all the photos we took from parties from Freshman and Sophomore year of college. This was my first entry ever on the internet and honestly, I could have written it three weeks ago. Money still doesn’t make me happy. I am still trying...
I didn't watch Smash last night....
because I watched the pilot 4 TIMES last week online….
It’s that good. If Fringe ends up canceled, I might almost be ok. I will turn all my love and thoughts to Smash. It reminds me of when I was a kid, I would pretend the sidewalk in front of our house was a Broadway Stage. I would make up loud songs and belt them for the neighbors.
That’s how this show makes me feel. I...
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Time never feels like enough...
Random fact: I have had a “blog” since December 1998. I was just cleaning up some of the privacy settings on some of my old online accounts and stumbled across some stuff I wrote in college.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my perception of relationships in my life and the reality of what actually happened- ie. my part. That fun thing we do in recovery where we look at our...
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Where everyone knows your name...
I used to think bars were this place where people got drunk and bonded over life shit. OMG, people who drank were so fucking cool to me, they were full of such interesting things. I couldn’t wait to leave work and get wasted. I met everyone from my best friend to boyfriends in bars. You would sit at the stool and bitch to the proprietor about your day and talk about randomly superficial...
If you aren't happy in new york city, LEAVE.
Today’s theme at church. It was amazing. There was Sondheim and dancing and broadway.
The Minister talked about how to survive in NYC, you need two things, “Faith” and “Zeal”. Faith that you are exactly where you should be and that everything is going to work out. Zeal for when things are tough and you need something to keep you going. He said if you have a...
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Breakthroughs and Minor Victories...
I just finished the Hot Chocolate 10k in Riverside Park this morning in 1:03. I feel pretty fucking high right now. I love the natural highs of life, the euphoria is unlike any substance I have ever put into my body.
Last night, I had another minor victory. After a year of major, major, intense treatment for trauma, I got through to the other side. It was scary and painful and often times I...
Moral Outrage
I got a 5 on my performance review for adherence to Corporate Compliance. My boss told me I am the most “moral” person she knows. Apparently, I carry my soapbox quite well.
How did a cigarette thieving ten year old become such a beautifully manicured and polished purveyor of strong integrity and high moral values?
Some of you know the answer, the others- it must be all the kool...
My cat even has a nail polish named after her. ... →
I need help...Thanks, Universe!
So lately there’s been a whole lot of desperation in my life. I have hit a wall and I am beyond exhausted with all of my shit. After 8 months of INTENSE therapy and TLC, my anxiety has finally started to dissipate. It’s like waking up after being in a coma. It’s funny, I didn’t even realize how much pain I was in until I woke up one day and it was gone. The past couple...