January 2009
The night before christmas revised by my brilliant...
Twas the night before Christmas, on the street known as Grand, Only Diddy was stirring, with a knife in his hand. The hobos were nestled all snug in their gutters, While stab after stab set Diddy’s heart aflutter. At home cuddling gently were Alice and Ali, To the dulcet strains of Chinese Democracy. Eschewing the chaos of a big Christmas bash, They’d settled on the couch to watch...
December 2008
My mother may hate me. Sometimes you might get...
But then again yall, I look in the mirror every day bc I am trying to convince myself I am worth a damn.
I don't like you
Sorry you are the last to know.
Go fuck yourself
Fucking feeling that.
Jolie is right I am an asshole as illustrated by...
Calling someone an idiot isnt really a friendly thing. I mean what do u want me to tell u? U also never answered me when i asked u. What should i assume?
One of the funniest reviews I have ever read, The... →
AntiKris' List of Dislikes in Dick
antikris:
(in no particular order)
1. Poor grammar/spelling is a huge turn off (I know mine is not perfect, but you get the drift). It’s even worse when in text or IM format one replaces letters unnecessarily. Example: using “gurl” rather than “girl”. Come the FUCK on…really?! It is never ok to use “holla” unless it’s done ironically.
2. Too much cologne is nasty. Honestly, I’d rather...
I completed 6 of my 2008 New Year's Resolutions... →
This year I only have one resolution and it’s a 6 month project. I sort of resolved to put my life on hold during the next 6 months till I complete it. Its something I should have done a long long time ago but was too young to really dive into. During my 29th year, I am finally going to do it.
Until then, I am resolving to not make any large commitments to anything else.
self-loathing almost kept me awake last night.
I had one of those “I need to get my fucking life together and grow up moments” last night at around 12am. It’s the psychosomatic end of the year berating that most people give themselves every year. Too much Christmas partying and a complete lack of personal goals.
Seriously, I need to volunteer or something. My life is severely lacking in meaningful pursuits right now. ...
The Room is a cinematic masterpiece!
My friend Travis and I had such an awesome time tonight watching it that on Friday night, we are throwing a viewing party at his apartment complete with drinking game. I seriously have not laughed that hard in years. He wouldn’t let me take the dvd with me because he wants to watch it a couple more times.
Make it stop!!!!! Do. Not. Want!!!!!!
Travis and I think the Room is just a glorified soft porn. We are both going to vomit if there’s any more sex in this movie.
Pulling a Costanza
About 5 years ago, I dated this guy who used to brag about his napping abilities. He would boast that he could fall asleep anytime anywhere. I was 23 at the time and filled with boundless energy, I couldn’t sleep in if I tried. I thought he was sort of a loser at the time. This year, I turned 28.
Not true anymore. Sleeping is probably my number 2 activity. I can nap every day of the...
I really, really, really
hate my new haircut. It looks like she cut 5 inches off and my bangs look like a god damn mess. My mother keeps telling me to be patient, it will grow out in 2 weeks a bit.
I hate when this happens. It just feels too damn short.
Token holiday employee
theengineer:
feistyred:
I have great plans for today since no one is at the office. I plan to go to the gym during lunch, maybe leave work a little early? Finish a book? type out some emails?
I finally received a copy of the Room from amazon.com, trying to talk a friend into a letting me come over and watch it with him, maybe order some takeout. I was going to do a big group party, but I...
“If you like a girl, comb your hair and don’t wear sweats. You don’t...”
– How to Talk to Girls
“If you are in elementary school, try to get a girl to like you, not to love you....”
– How to Talk to Girls
“Most boys in elementary school can hold on to a girl for only 30 days.”
– Reading my copy of How to Talk to Girls. Congrats, 8 year olds, you officially beat out New York men for longest “relationship”. I bought this book as a gift, but it’s so fucking adorable I am not sure I can give it up.
Token holiday employee
I have great plans for today since no one is at the office. I plan to go to the gym during lunch, maybe leave work a little early? Finish a book? type out some emails?
I finally received a copy of the Room from amazon.com, trying to talk a friend into a letting me come over and watch it with him, maybe order some takeout. I was going to do a big group party, but I don’t think I can...
Tonight I told a guy my therapist wouldn't approve...
I never talk about my therapist. Its not interesting and its no ones business. But I actually used it as break up line and the guy said “you are in therapy too?”
In college I studied palm reading
Now I am explaining the michanics to over believing and disbelieving friends. Its interesting but if you know the science, not so much!
Oh jesus christ! My fucked up breakup lines are...
Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its fucked up when you have to list reasons why someone shouldn’t date you!
“Well you know, one man’s trash is another one’s treasure! I am just...”
– Actual quote just said about me by my best friend.
Tying up loose 2008 ends...
Is it appropriate to AGAIN break up with a guy by texting, “I can’t have 2 hour sex. We obviously want different things!!!”. (Ed note: two fucking hours!!!!)
Its seriously a fucking miracle I am back in new...
If I hadn’t drank all night at the hotel bar, I never would have cut 200 people in line and slid under a security partition. I can’t believe I made my flight. Its good to be home!
Best flight ever.
I just woke up and we are at laguardia, the last thing I remember is the pre-flight tutorial at ohare. I passed out before the plane even took off and woke up when it landed!
New fuck york
I love you so much that I actually cried when united told me I wasn’t flying with them this morning. They told me my flight didn’t exist. I panicked, I thought I was stuck in the midwest till monday. Drunk. Tired. Alone. Then I cried again when they told me I actually should be at american. Then I cried in the cab to american. As I slid under the partition in a line of 200 people, I...
I hate traveling.
I am not coming home next year.
I am sorry
That I hate chicago so much. I can’t help it. I don’t know why and now I am here! For the next 9 hours!
Only interesting thing about chicago
The guy I first dated ever lives here. That’s really the only excitement I can muster. And that was 8 years ago.
Its 10pm chicago time
Looks like I am sleeping at ohare tonight! After drinking with my sisters family and having my magical codeine cough medicine potion on me, I can!
My flight got canceled by 100
Now I am on the 9 pm train to chicago. For the past 7 hours, I hung out with my sister’s married family. We did an american idol competition and I bonded with all her inlaws. I had such a great time! I love them!
Hanging with my married sisters new family
And I am rocking american idol wii!!!! Have to leave in 3 hours to catch my train to my plane!
My dad told her I wanted it, she wrapped it up and... →
And it’s cashmere! I absolutely love it. It used to belong to my Aunt Joan in the 1970s who was a Gloria Steinem feminist. She lives in Philly.
